Journal Entry | April 24, 2012:
“I keep trying to put myself in my mom’s place and I just can’t imagine accepting a shortened life, not with two babies and a husband. I wonder when this really was settled between her and the Lord? I know it was earlier than later–not that she didn’t have hard days–but she had such an attitude of hope and peace, despite her concerns. Can’t only the Lord give this kind of peace? It’s an incredible thing to watch, this kind of change, and I saw it overtake her before my eyes, like a teabag steeping in hot water. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen: God’s hand gently, warmly transforming a soul in the depths of the rockiest, coldest place.”
Sometimes we go through a season where we see everything through tears. I’m glad I’ve had time to reflect, and can understand some things I couldn’t last winter. Reading this entry now, I remember exactly how I was feeling then… honestly, I was a little scared about being diagnosed with something myself, and worrying about my family and a million other things I had no control over. I’ve had to work through these fears this year, and probably always in a way, but I’m comforted to know that God will help me through anything. I’ve seen it, I’ve thought about it a lot, and I keep coming back to this conclusion, and I’m grateful. In this way time heals, and even though it feels so slow sometimes, we just have to wade through it and wait for new perspectives.
We don’t go through life so that we can keep these things to ourselves–we need to share them and encourage one another, infuse one another with courage, to keep living in faith (Romans 1:11-12). I hope that when seasons like this come, you seek the One who loves you and wants to give you peace and rest (Matthew 11:28-29); He’s the only one who can truly hold your weariness; let Him! Hope seen through blurry eyes can be the best kind of hope.